Tag Archives: ambrose bierce

The 04/18/13 Joy Jar

17 Apr

 

Almost every day moi uses a fork. It is one of those things that one takes for granted. For some reason, moi stopped to look at a fork today and thought-this makes eating so much easier for moi. Other cultures may have different eating implements, but moi is comfortable with a fork. Today’s deposit into the ‘Joy Jar’ is a fork.

Civilization has taught us to eat with a fork, but even now if nobody is around we use our fingers.”

Will Rodgers

Is it progress if a cannibal uses a knife and fork?”

Stanislaw Lee

Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.”

Ambrose Bierce

Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use.”

Emily Post

The world was my oyster but I used the wrong fork

Oscar Wilde”

NAKED Lunch — a frozen moment when everyone sees what is on the end of every fork.”

William S. Burroughs

The 04/01/13 Joy Jar

31 Mar

April Fools Day seems to satisfy the need in many cultures for a bit of fun. As long as the jokes do not demean or harm anyone, but bring a bit of laughter – then it’s just harmless fun. Today’s deposit into the ‘Joy Jar’ is April Fools Day.

April 1.  This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.

Mark Twain, Pudd’nhead Wilson, 1894

April fool, n.  The March fool with another month added to his folly.

Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary

Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee, And I’ll forgive Thy great big one on me.

Robert Frost, “Cluster of Faith,” 1962

He who is born a fool is never cured.

Proverb

Let us be thankful for the fools.  But for them the rest of us could not succeed.

Mark Twain

We’re fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance.

Japanese Proverb


The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.

Will Rogers

Even the gods love jokes.

Plato

The 02/18/13 Joy Jar

17 Feb

President’s Day in 2013 falls on February 18, 2013. In the United States there are three branches of government described in the Constitution, the judicial, legislative, and executive. The president leads the executive branch. Moi is glad that the U.S. has a president and not a king or queen. Although, when many presidents stay in office awhile they forget that they are a president with powers defined by the Constitution. Today’s deposit into the ‘Joy Jar’ is the office of president.

“I never did give them hell. I just told the truth, and they thought it was hell.”

Harry S. Truman

PRESIDENT, n. The leading figure in a small group of men of whom — and of whom only — it is positively known that immense numbers of their countrymen did not want any of them for President.

Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary

I don’t know why we complain so much about their broken campaign promises. It’s those they keep that hurt.

Adlai Stevenson II

If he knows nothing else, a President should at least understand the secret of success in the business world. For, after all, what is the Presidency but a glorified business – or, at least, a fine racket?

W.C. Fields

A President needs political understanding to run the government, but he may be elected without it.

Harry Truman

Being president is like being a jackass in a hailstorm. There’s nothing to do but to stand there and take it.

Lyndon Johnson

In America anyone can be President, that’s one of the risks you take.

Adlai Stevenson II

Blessed are the young for they shall inherit the national debt.

Herbert Hoover

Why do people go to zoos?

H.L. Mencken’s reply to a question asking why, if he had a such a cynical view of Congress and the President, he visited Washington, D.C.

The 02/09/13 Joy Jar

8 Feb

Hard to believe but, the first day of Spring is March 20 and Daylight Savings Time starts in March as well. The news reports are about a blizzard in New York and New England. Fall means that one begins to think about colder weather and the need for sweaters. In many parts of the country where there are clearly defined seasons, people store their sweaters. In Seattle, one keeps their sweaters handy until at least August. Today’s deposit into the ‘Joy Jar’ is a warm sweater.

 

Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
Ambrose Bierce

“When the bold branches Bid farewell to rainbow leaves – Welcome wool sweaters.”                                                                                                             B. Cybrill

I’ve about decided that’s the main thing that separates happy people from the other people: the feeling that you’re a practical item, with a use, like a sweater or a socket wrench.

Barbara Kingsolver

 

I’m a super hero, too, underneath my sweater.

Rusted Root

 

Dramatic art in her opinion is knowing how to fill a sweater.

Bette Davis

 

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.
Fran Lebowitz

 

The 02/03/13 Joy Jar

2 Feb

Moi is not an athlete and has no athletic ability. Walking is what moi does. When moi was growing up, she was that geeky kid with her head in a book. Still ,moi can appreciate the grace of a really good basketball game and wonder how those hockey players can get around on skates so fast. The Superbowl would have been more fun to watch if the Seahawks were playing, but moi like everyone will be watching Beyoncé sing. Watching sports adds another dimension to life just as music and the theater do. Today’s deposit into the ‘Joy Jar’ is watching an athletic event that makes one think about competition and grace.

 

Winning isn’t everything–but wanting to win is.”
Vince Lombardi Jr.

 

Don’t let them drag you down by rumors just go with what you believe in.”
Michael Jordan,
I Can’t Accept Not Trying: Michael Jordan on the Pursuit of Excellence

 

Outcasts may grow up to be novelists and filmmakers and computer tycoons, but they will never be the athletic ruling class.”
Chuck Klosterman, Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs: A Low Culture Manifesto

 

They say that nobody is perfect. Then they tell you practice makes perfect. I wish they’d make up their minds.”
Wilt Chamberlain

 

The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life.”
Muhammed Ali

 

Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.”
Ambrose Bierce,
The Devil’s Dictionary

 

I have failed many times, and that’s why I am a success.”
Michael Jordan

 

Always keep an open mind and a compassionate heart.”
Phil Jackson