Tag Archives: Humor

The 12/06/13 Joy Jar

6 Dec

Laughter is really and truly the best medicine. No one was as wickedly funny as Groucho Marx. Today’s deposit into the ‘Joy Jar’ is the humor of Groucho Marx.

I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
Groucho Marx

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
Groucho Marx

Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
Groucho Marx

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
Groucho Marx

I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
Groucho Marx

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
Groucho Marx

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
Groucho Marx

All people are born alike – except Republicans and Democrats.
Groucho Marx

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
Groucho Marx

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
Groucho Marx

She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.
Groucho Marx

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
Groucho Marx

Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them… well, I have others.
Groucho Marx

Well, Art is Art, isn’t it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know.
Groucho Marx

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
Groucho Marx

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
Groucho Marx

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn’t educate America if they started at 6:30.
Groucho Marx

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book.
Groucho Marx

Humor is reason gone mad.
Groucho Marx

I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
Groucho Marx

My favourite poem is the one that starts ‘Thirty days hath September’ because it actually tells you something.
Groucho Marx

There’s one way to find out if a man is honest – ask him. If he says, ‘Yes,’ you know he is a crook.
Groucho Marx

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
Groucho Marx

I didn’t like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions – the curtain was up.
Groucho Marx

Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
Groucho Marx

The 04/01/13 Joy Jar

31 Mar

April Fools Day seems to satisfy the need in many cultures for a bit of fun. As long as the jokes do not demean or harm anyone, but bring a bit of laughter – then it’s just harmless fun. Today’s deposit into the ‘Joy Jar’ is April Fools Day.

April 1.  This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.

Mark Twain, Pudd’nhead Wilson, 1894

April fool, n.  The March fool with another month added to his folly.

Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary

Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee, And I’ll forgive Thy great big one on me.

Robert Frost, “Cluster of Faith,” 1962

He who is born a fool is never cured.

Proverb

Let us be thankful for the fools.  But for them the rest of us could not succeed.

Mark Twain

We’re fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance.

Japanese Proverb


The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.

Will Rogers

Even the gods love jokes.

Plato