Adolescence is a time of risk taking and testing boundaries as the child defines his or her personality. There are some activities that can prove to be very costly in terms of future opportunities for the child and money by the parents defending the child. The Tom Hanks movie, Forrest Gump, has the great line, “stupid is as stupid does.” This pretty much describes the situation of a high school girl in a New York Times article written by James Warren. In the article about the perils of technology Warren describes a “sexting” incident.
A 16-year-old honors student took a nude photo of herself, used her cellphone to send it to a friend and, bingo, for the last two weeks the photo has made the rounds of the three-year-old school with 1,300 students. Plainfield police seized some students’ phones and passed them on to computer forensic experts at the Will County Sheriff’s Department.The school is contemplating punishment, the police are interviewing students and James Glasgow, the Will County state’s attorney, is mulling whether to prosecute anybody under Illinois child pornography statutes. In the meantime, everybody can spend time off over the holiday cheerfully consuming “Teens and Sexting,” a study just completed by the Internet and American Life Project at the Pew Research Center.Based partly on a survey of 800 teenagers, parents and guardians, it underscores the role of cellphones “in the sexual lives of teens and young adults.” Four percent of the teenagers indicated that had dispatched “sexually suggestive nude or nearly nude images or videos of themselves” via text messaging, while 15 percent claimed they had received such images of a person they know.Amanda Lenhart, who wrote the Pew report, said the images were “relationship currency,” shared as either part of or in lieu of actual sex. They are also used to begin or continue a relationship with a special someone. They are often passed along to others as entertainment, or a joke, with many students supposedly not taking the matter especially seriously and thus not understanding the negative legal, emotional or other consequences.Nationally, the response to this technology-inspired mess is a mishmash. Some jurisdictions have prosecuted teenagers under statutes aimed at creation and distribution of child pornography, in the process stamping them as registered sex offenders. Others have been less aggressive, considering downgrading statutes to make the passing of such images a misdemeanor, not a felony.Tom Hernandez, a school district spokesman on the Plainfield East situation, said: “Will there be discipline? Yes. But we can’t talk about it.”
A personal boundary is a space around yourself that gives you a clear sense of who you are and where you’re going. When you choose who you allow into your physical, emotional and mental space you’re activating your personal boundaries.For example, if your mother or child asks for a ride to the mall and you can’t say no without guilt, then you’re not protecting your personal boundaries. If your colleague consistently sloughs off her work for you to do and you haven’t figured out how to stop, then you’re not protecting your personal boundaries.The key to healthy relationships is a strong sense of personal boundaries. If your boundaries are collapsed or inflexible, your relationships will suffer….
Healthy Boundaries
Personal boundaries are evident and effective when you know who you are, and treat yourself and others with respect.
It is important for children to develop healthy personal boundaries.
Maryclaire Dale reports in an AP story reprinted in the Seattle Times about a court case involving sexting.
Three federal judges in Philadelphia have heard the first criminal case of “sexting” to reach a U.S. appeals court – a dispute over cell-phone images of three teenage girls.The judges hearing arguments Friday must decide whether the girls can be charged with child pornography.The American Civil Liberties Union calls the photos harmless – and argues the girls are victims, if anything.Defense lawyers say the girls did not distribute the photos, which show two 12-year-olds in training bras and a topless 16-year-old.Wyoming County prosecutors say the images are dangerous because predators could get them.They ordered 16 public-school students to attend a “re-education” class or face prosecution. Three families are challenging the order.
Mr. [Dharun] Ravi was 18 years old when he spied on Mr. Clementi, legally an adult, but he did things that reek of immature homophobia. He told a friend he wanted to “keep the gays away,” and when he set up his webcam a second time, his tweets and texts showed that he was giddily trading on Mr. Clementi’s homosexuality to get attention. Was Mr. Clementi intimidated by Mr. Ravi’s spying? The record is mixed, but inflected by Mr. Clementi’s suicide a day after the second spying incident. Though it’s not clear how much Mr. Ravi’s actions influenced his roommate’s decision to take his own life, the proximity in time is chilling. Given how broadly the civil rights laws are written, it’s not surprising that prosecutors turned to them to ramp up the charges against Mr. Ravi, especially because this normally increases the pressure on a defendant to plead guilty. The state then made Mr. Ravi a fair offer: community service in exchange for admitting to invading Mr. Clementi’s privacy. It was Mr. Ravi’s mistake not to take it. And yet, if Mr. Ravi spends years in prison, his case will set an alarming precedent of disproportional punishment. The spying he did was criminal, but it was also, as his lawyer put it, “stupid kid” behavior. Mr. Ravi isn’t the only person caught in this legal snare. After bullying was blamed for the suicide two years ago of Phoebe Prince, a 15-year-old in South Hadley, Mass., prosecutors criminally charged six teenagers. That time, the district attorney used the state’s civil rights laws to directly blame five of them for Phoebe’s death. Like Mr. Ravi, they faced a sentence of up to 10 years. Never mind that the Massachusetts law had previously been used against violent racist thugs. Because it was broadly written, like New Jersey’s, prosecutors could seize upon the law because it “sent a message” about bullying, as one of them later said. The Massachusetts cases ended with a whimper: After the district attorney who brought the civil rights charges left office, her successor dropped the charges against one teenager and wisely resolved the cases against the other five, who admitted some wrongdoing, with probation and community service. Mr. Ravi, of course, will not be so lucky. States like New Jersey and Massachusetts should narrow their civil rights laws so that he’s not the first of many stupid but nonviolent young people who pay a too-heavy price for our fears about how kids use technology to be cruel. http://www.nytimes.com/2012/03/20/opinion/make-the-punishment-fit-the-cyber-crime.html?_r=1&ref=educationandschools
The cow was way out of the barn on this, as the saying goes, before the sexting incident took place. One has to wonder, what if any, values these children and/or parents might have regarding modesty and what is considered private. Do the parents, for example, have as a norm that it is OK to walk around the house partially dressed or even naked? Hillary Swank, the popular actress, told Marie Claire she walked around nude in front of her boyfriend’s son
Hilary Swank got herself in a bit of trouble recently by telling Marie Claire magazine that she often walks around nude in front of her boyfriend’s 6-year-old son.“My boyfriend’s son is six years old, and you wonder at what age you should stop walking around nude,” she said. “Every morning he comes into the bedroom, and you’re just nude. But he doesn’t look twice; he doesn’t think about it yet.“She later tried to explain her remarks, stating: “I think every family is different and you have to know what’s right for you and your family.“But psychologists don’t quite agree with Swank and believe that she should cover up. “Hilary, you’re not this child’s [mother],” said Dr. Jeff Cardere. “What if things don’t work out with your present boyfriend? Who knows what might happen in the future; what his psycho-sexual adjustment may be. It’s not a good thing.” Read more: http://www.worstpreviews.com/headline.php?id=15483#ixzz0ci4xpAcb
Of course, some nudists may think nudity is acceptable, but they recognize boundaries and are not nude in every circumstance. The question is what are parents teaching children about their bodies and their value as individuals? In my opinion, sexting is an activity that points to a much deeper issue.
The great Nelson Mandela recognized the power of mercy and forgiveness because he knew that in the land of an “eye for an eye” everyone is blind. For all those who want Mr. Ravi drawn and quartered might want to spend some time reading the statement of Nelson Mandela when receiving the report of the Truth and Reconciliation Commission. In part, Mr. Mandela said:
Reconciliation requires that we work together to defend our democracy and the humanity proclaimed by our Constitution. It demands that we join hands, as at the Job Summit tomorrow, to eradicate the poverty spawned by a system that thrived on the deprivation of the majority. Reconciliation requires that we end malnutrition, homelessness and ignorance, as the Reconstruction and Development Programme has started to do. It demands that we put shoulders to the wheel to end crime and corruption, as religious and political leaders committed themselves to doing at the Morals Summit last week. More particularly, we will start consultations with all sectors of society on how to contribute to the variety of programmes required to restore the dignity of those who suffered and to give due recognition to those who paid the supreme sacrifice so that our nation could be free. This Report contains material that could sustain endless finger pointing and gloating at the discomfort of opponents whom the TRC has pronounced to be responsible for gross violations of human rights. And in the brevity and the pattern of media reports, the fundamental principles it raises may be missed, creating an impression that the honourable thing to do would have been to acquiesce in an inhuman system. But we should constantly keep our minds on the broad picture that has emerged. We are extricating ourselves from a system that insulted our common humanity by dividing us from one another on the basis of race and setting us against each other as oppressed and oppressor. In doing so that system committed a crime against humanity, which shared humanity we celebrate today in a Constitution that entrenches humane rights and values. In denying us these things the Apartheid State generated the violent political conflict in the course of which human rights were violated. The wounds of the period of repression and resistance are too deep to have been healed by the TRC alone, however well it has encouraged us along that path. http://www.info.gov.za/speeches/1998/98a29_trc9811312.htm
See documents from the Truth and Reconciliation Commission at:
In the land of an “eye for an eye” everyone is blind.
Dr. Wilda says this about that ©